Southern Rail, and a whole shower of shit.

11 Dec

These lame fuckers couldn’t run a bun fight in a Hovis factory.

Only 4 and a bit miles away,… but….

I just recently gained employment with a company that is only 4 or so miles away from the village I live in, where fortuitously there is a train station, linking directly with another only just round the corner from where I live. I was looking forward to travelling to work by the train, having never done so before. At one point it took over 2 hours to get into work on the train (remember that’s only 4 and a bit miles away!).

50% Success rate or 50% Failure, whichever way you look at it, it’s crap.

In the last 14 days there has of course been a lot of snow, and there was certainly enough snow and ice to cause major disruption for a day, or maybe two. However in 10 days of work, the trains haven’t run at all for three days, have been late or missing for three other mornings and have been cancelled for one of the return journeys. If you count two journeys for each day, that works out roughly as a 50% FAILURE RATE.

Various excuses were given, congestion at stations, points failure, trouble with frozen points, faults on trains and of course the now non existent snow.

Check the Web for the most up to date information???

At one point I checked the website giving information to be told that the trains were running, I went to the station only to find out that they weren’t, I revisited the website, and on it found reference to the trains both running, and actually, not running. It seems that they don’t know their own arse from their own elbow these fools. Anyone else would be sacked and laughed out of operation.

They keep you in the dark and feed you on shit….. The Management are Mushrooms…

On one occasion I turned up at the station at around 6am to see a board with these lines scribbled on it.

‘The trains are cancelled, a relief bus will arrive here shortly’

I asked when the sign was written and what ‘shortly’ meant. The very nice station guy explained that he had only just written it and that the bus would visit the preceding station first and pick up anyone there, knowing that the station down the line was likely to have twice the people who could fit in any bus awaiting its arrival I gave up hope of getting on a bus that once full would go directly to the town I wanted to get to.

A Frosty Reception

Just as our frostbitten informal group of fellow wanderers were discussing this a guy came bowling up, stating ‘I’ve got to get up to St. Pancras by 8am, this parcel has GOT to be there’, I explained the likelihood of that becoming a reality given the information just received from the train guy, and though he had already tried to get up another line via Frant in Kent and also to drive into the next town up the line to get a train he’d been told would run, the courier chap said that we could join him as he attempted driving for a second time to my destination.

A couple of businessmen attached themselves to this impromptu Sub Arctic expedition and we were pouring into this guys Range Rover, when the FUCKING TRAIN PULLED IN!

As we ran to the platform from the car park I heard the Station master say ‘Wankers’ under his breath.

Fucking idiots the lot of them.

No one seems to know what the fuck to do and then once they’ve finally taken some action, what the fuck is then going on. For God’s sake we did better with Semaphore in the 18th century, delivering messages across the nation in minutes than we can do from station to station with modern technology. How do they cope in Manitoba, or Reykjavik? They do though don’t they. And every time this happens we in England say ‘Oh I wish we could cope when it snows a little better’, but no one ever does. No one seems to be able to drive in the white stuff either. Pulling away in first, turning the snow under their wheels into hard packed ice. Parking on hills with hazards on with people trying to get up past them, and traffic coming the other way. Fucking idiots, the lot of them.

If a bus can run on Ice covered roads, why the fuck can’t a train ride the rails?

One relief bus operator told me last night (the latest failure) that when Southern Trains can’t run, they have to pay the track operator a fine, and when the line can’t cope with the ‘running’ trains, the line operator has to pay a fine to the train operator, all this while paying a Coach company to ‘relieve them’ …. I’d like to relieve them… of the connection between their heads and their shoulders!


One Response to “Southern Rail, and a whole shower of shit.”

  1. Hiram Goring on Sea December 12, 2010 at 12:02 am #

    Now you just ain’t using your brain my son. I walked from Buxted to Uckfield got the 7.33 to Frant then changed to the 8.36 to Robertsbridge got out there and walked to Burwash where i caught the Bus to Heathfield (still running despite the heavy snowfall)then by milk float to Hailsham, then on to Polegate, caught the 11.46 to Lewes changed to the 12.44 to Uckfield then Walked to Sheffield Park, Bluebell line was still running bless ’em on to Horsted Keynes passing Landrover gave me a ride to Buxted where I caught the elief bus that you missed to Uckfield; and Bob’s your uncle.

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