Tag Archives: snow

TNT – incompetence bomb explodes in my face

12 Dec

A friend wrote to me today, in frustration regarding his experiences of dealing with TNT a UK courier company, both generally and recently during the light frosting of snow that England received:

I run the parts department of the local depot of a large Swedish truck manufacturer. We rely on an overnight delivery service to get urgent parts to keep the wheels of industry turning. TNT provides this service. Or rather doesn’t bother their arse to provide this service…

Twats in the snow

Two Thursdays ago we had some inclement weather, it snowed a bit. Ok it was a bit heavy, it took me 15 minuets longer than usual to drive the 16 miles to work, mainly due to the fucking incompetent twats who had no business getting their cars off the drive in conditions that they did not have the skills to drive in.

TNT are contracted and paid rather well to deliver our parts overnight from our UK warehouse in Milton Keynes to all local depots by 9am 6 days a week. Actually we pay for a before 8am service but incredibly the incompetent fucks can’t print a before 8 sticker!!!!! (Worse still OUR head office let them do this).

After 8s

It is rare that we ever get what should be, a before nine service, but we are used to this and take it in our stride. I usually call the nearest TNT branch, 25 miles away by speedy dual carriageway at around 9:15 to ask where our deliveries are. The litany of excuses is, as always, unbelievable.

No Chance Mate – the oft heard call of the ‘common lesser acne spotted jobsworth’.

Any ho on this particular Thursday when yet again they hadn’t delivered, in a kind of snow laden Blitz spirit, I gave them the benefit of my considerable doubt and waited till 10:30 to call and ask politely if we would be getting a delivery. “No chance mate” came the response from the customer unfocused grunt on the other end of the phone.
As it happened on this particular Thursday it wasn’t too big a deal to not get our parts as none of our customers came in that day and out of 15 staff only myself and four others made it in. Some of them driving past areas were those that “couldn’t” make it in lived! But that’s a whole other rant….

Get yer fucking finger out TNT

On the Friday the weather conditions had improved a bit but TNTs attitude had not…”No mate we can’t even get out of the yard”. So one of our guys got into a perfectly ordinary van and drove to the local TNT depot, collected our parts and returned without any issues.

Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be (Mamas and the Papas)

By Monday morning weekend rainstorms had removed all trace of the snow completely…


Saturday’s deliveries arrived… hooray.


Friday’s deliveries arrived… What the fuck! Where are Monday’s orders??? I decided to cut out the lazy wankers at the local branch and went straight to our national account manager at TNT. An hour or so too-ing and fro-ing on the phone and he was “going to get it sorted”… Useless fuck couldn’t sort a deck of cards with an instruction manual…


Tuesday’s overnight orders arrive… still no sign of Monday’s… oh and a delivery for another of our branches arrives with us! We can tell it is for them because there are two fucking labels on it saying so…back on the phone to our account “manager” This is getting boring.


Mondays deliveries finally arrive… hoo fucking ray. Ahhhhh… but where the fuck are Wednesday’s overnight deliveries?? I’ve got Mr Useless Fucker’s number on speed dial now. This conversation makes my week… Apparently according to this guy who runs a multi million pound national contract and probably gets paid three times my salary –  ‘it was very snowy in Scotland and the north of England which is why their branch in Surrey didn’t function’. I asked him to clarify this given that there had been no snow on the ground since the weekend and the outside temperature was currently 8°C. Needless to say his answer didn’t satisfy me.


We get three separate deliveries from TNT everything that is outstanding arrives…almost……..  just two items from one of the new consignments are missing, which, as I have painfully learned is fucking outstanding from such incompetents.


Southern Rail, and a whole shower of shit.

11 Dec

These lame fuckers couldn’t run a bun fight in a Hovis factory.

Only 4 and a bit miles away,… but….

I just recently gained employment with a company that is only 4 or so miles away from the village I live in, where fortuitously there is a train station, linking directly with another only just round the corner from where I live. I was looking forward to travelling to work by the train, having never done so before. At one point it took over 2 hours to get into work on the train (remember that’s only 4 and a bit miles away!).

50% Success rate or 50% Failure, whichever way you look at it, it’s crap.

In the last 14 days there has of course been a lot of snow, and there was certainly enough snow and ice to cause major disruption for a day, or maybe two. However in 10 days of work, the trains haven’t run at all for three days, have been late or missing for three other mornings and have been cancelled for one of the return journeys. If you count two journeys for each day, that works out roughly as a 50% FAILURE RATE.

Various excuses were given, congestion at stations, points failure, trouble with frozen points, faults on trains and of course the now non existent snow.

Check the Web for the most up to date information???

At one point I checked the website giving information to be told that the trains were running, I went to the station only to find out that they weren’t, I revisited the website, and on it found reference to the trains both running, and actually, not running. It seems that they don’t know their own arse from their own elbow these fools. Anyone else would be sacked and laughed out of operation.

They keep you in the dark and feed you on shit….. The Management are Mushrooms…

On one occasion I turned up at the station at around 6am to see a board with these lines scribbled on it.

‘The trains are cancelled, a relief bus will arrive here shortly’

I asked when the sign was written and what ‘shortly’ meant. The very nice station guy explained that he had only just written it and that the bus would visit the preceding station first and pick up anyone there, knowing that the station down the line was likely to have twice the people who could fit in any bus awaiting its arrival I gave up hope of getting on a bus that once full would go directly to the town I wanted to get to.

A Frosty Reception

Just as our frostbitten informal group of fellow wanderers were discussing this a guy came bowling up, stating ‘I’ve got to get up to St. Pancras by 8am, this parcel has GOT to be there’, I explained the likelihood of that becoming a reality given the information just received from the train guy, and though he had already tried to get up another line via Frant in Kent and also to drive into the next town up the line to get a train he’d been told would run, the courier chap said that we could join him as he attempted driving for a second time to my destination.

A couple of businessmen attached themselves to this impromptu Sub Arctic expedition and we were pouring into this guys Range Rover, when the FUCKING TRAIN PULLED IN!

As we ran to the platform from the car park I heard the Station master say ‘Wankers’ under his breath.

Fucking idiots the lot of them.

No one seems to know what the fuck to do and then once they’ve finally taken some action, what the fuck is then going on. For God’s sake we did better with Semaphore in the 18th century, delivering messages across the nation in minutes than we can do from station to station with modern technology. How do they cope in Manitoba, or Reykjavik? They do though don’t they. And every time this happens we in England say ‘Oh I wish we could cope when it snows a little better’, but no one ever does. No one seems to be able to drive in the white stuff either. Pulling away in first, turning the snow under their wheels into hard packed ice. Parking on hills with hazards on with people trying to get up past them, and traffic coming the other way. Fucking idiots, the lot of them.

If a bus can run on Ice covered roads, why the fuck can’t a train ride the rails?

One relief bus operator told me last night (the latest failure) that when Southern Trains can’t run, they have to pay the track operator a fine, and when the line can’t cope with the ‘running’ trains, the line operator has to pay a fine to the train operator, all this while paying a Coach company to ‘relieve them’ …. I’d like to relieve them… of the connection between their heads and their shoulders!

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