Tag Archives: national

TNT – incompetence bomb explodes in my face

12 Dec

A friend wrote to me today, in frustration regarding his experiences of dealing with TNT a UK courier company, both generally and recently during the light frosting of snow that England received:

I run the parts department of the local depot of a large Swedish truck manufacturer. We rely on an overnight delivery service to get urgent parts to keep the wheels of industry turning. TNT provides this service. Or rather doesn’t bother their arse to provide this service…

Twats in the snow

Two Thursdays ago we had some inclement weather, it snowed a bit. Ok it was a bit heavy, it took me 15 minuets longer than usual to drive the 16 miles to work, mainly due to the fucking incompetent twats who had no business getting their cars off the drive in conditions that they did not have the skills to drive in.

TNT are contracted and paid rather well to deliver our parts overnight from our UK warehouse in Milton Keynes to all local depots by 9am 6 days a week. Actually we pay for a before 8am service but incredibly the incompetent fucks can’t print a before 8 sticker!!!!! (Worse still OUR head office let them do this).

After 8s

It is rare that we ever get what should be, a before nine service, but we are used to this and take it in our stride. I usually call the nearest TNT branch, 25 miles away by speedy dual carriageway at around 9:15 to ask where our deliveries are. The litany of excuses is, as always, unbelievable.

No Chance Mate – the oft heard call of the ‘common lesser acne spotted jobsworth’.

Any ho on this particular Thursday when yet again they hadn’t delivered, in a kind of snow laden Blitz spirit, I gave them the benefit of my considerable doubt and waited till 10:30 to call and ask politely if we would be getting a delivery. “No chance mate” came the response from the customer unfocused grunt on the other end of the phone.
As it happened on this particular Thursday it wasn’t too big a deal to not get our parts as none of our customers came in that day and out of 15 staff only myself and four others made it in. Some of them driving past areas were those that “couldn’t” make it in lived! But that’s a whole other rant….

Get yer fucking finger out TNT

On the Friday the weather conditions had improved a bit but TNTs attitude had not…”No mate we can’t even get out of the yard”. So one of our guys got into a perfectly ordinary van and drove to the local TNT depot, collected our parts and returned without any issues.

Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be (Mamas and the Papas)

By Monday morning weekend rainstorms had removed all trace of the snow completely…


Saturday’s deliveries arrived… hooray.


Friday’s deliveries arrived… What the fuck! Where are Monday’s orders??? I decided to cut out the lazy wankers at the local branch and went straight to our national account manager at TNT. An hour or so too-ing and fro-ing on the phone and he was “going to get it sorted”… Useless fuck couldn’t sort a deck of cards with an instruction manual…


Tuesday’s overnight orders arrive… still no sign of Monday’s… oh and a delivery for another of our branches arrives with us! We can tell it is for them because there are two fucking labels on it saying so…back on the phone to our account “manager” This is getting boring.


Mondays deliveries finally arrive… hoo fucking ray. Ahhhhh… but where the fuck are Wednesday’s overnight deliveries?? I’ve got Mr Useless Fucker’s number on speed dial now. This conversation makes my week… Apparently according to this guy who runs a multi million pound national contract and probably gets paid three times my salary –  ‘it was very snowy in Scotland and the north of England which is why their branch in Surrey didn’t function’. I asked him to clarify this given that there had been no snow on the ground since the weekend and the outside temperature was currently 8°C. Needless to say his answer didn’t satisfy me.


We get three separate deliveries from TNT everything that is outstanding arrives…almost……..  just two items from one of the new consignments are missing, which, as I have painfully learned is fucking outstanding from such incompetents.


Recycling My Arse

14 Oct

It’s a Farce

No I’m not trying to find new uses for my buttocks, in fact I’m talking about the new recycling scheme as implemented in my area of luverly England. It’s a farce.

Every two weeks they take the Green Waste Bin, and likewise every two weeks they take the normal household waste away. Except I don’t know many people who keenly garden that would ever fill a green waste bin up every two weeks, in fact they are much more likely to compost their own waste and to burn any non compostable material. Thus their Green Waste Bin is left almost empty every two weeks while the Household Waste Bin is overflowing by the date of the bi-weekly pick up. Because, even after following the confusing instructions on filtering your household waste into umpteen categories and receptacles, the Household Waste Bin fills up every bloody week and needs emptying every bloody week.

This all means that though the vehicles picking up the waste are out weekly to us and others like us, the workload overall on a bi-weekly basis is less as we the householder strive to squash two weeks worth of material into a single Household Waste Bin that needs removing much more frequently than every two weeks.

It’s a scam by the local Council to reduce their costs

While we the people who pay for the service are engaged in working on their production line for them, cleaning waste and filtering it into different material streams before they even pick it up. Do they charge us less for helping them? And what financial reward do they get for selling the materials we help to re-cycle. Why don’t we the householder see a tangible reward for that?

Why is it that Industry are given the ‘Carrot and Stick’ approach by national and local government, with rewards for good behaviour and generous timescales allowed for implementation, while the public are expected to do it when they are told to, to not receive any tangible reward for doing so and are expected to do it in response to some loose notion that the birdies and the hedgerows and the ‘environment’ will be better off if we do.

Why are Nations like the USA allowed to get away with not signing up to agreements on pollution while the public are continuously made to feel the guilt and responsibility associated with caring for the planet?

I would question how much of it is currently truly re-cycled anyway, I expect that half of what we strive to separate out, with the best will in the world, gets thrown in landfill anyway; because yet again I have forgotten the strict instructions and put my Baked Bean Tins in with my Plastic Food Trays and the Brown Cardboard in the Paper Caddy even when I should have known that it’s only White Paper that goes in the Household Waste Caddy, and that the Brown Paper and Brown Cardboard goes in the Garden Waste, sorry no it doesn’t the Brown Paper goes in the Garden Waste Caddy and the Brown Cardboard goes in the actual Garden Waste Wheelie Bin. The other Cardboard, like Drinks Containers with Plastic Lids, now would that go in any Caddy or just in the Household Waste Wheelie Bin?

Fuck it I’ll phone ’em and ask.

‘Hello, is that Wealden District Council?’

‘Yes Sir, how may the Recycling Waste help line help you?’

‘Well I’m having trouble working out what the fuck to put in my bins and caddys, can you help?’

‘Certainly’ and there followed a lengthy explanation…

‘Well thanks, but you must be getting a lot of calls, because your instructions are like working out how to circumnavigate the Globe by Sea whilst in a feather hat!’

‘Actually Sir you are the first person to phone us since the service was implemented 3 weeks ago’

‘What, in the whole of Wealden’s area!’

‘Yes Sir’

‘Well thanks anyway, take it easy, bye’

‘Goodbye Sir’



I’m left with the only conclusion I can come to, either I’m thicker than two short planks, or there are a lot of confused people out there throwing any old shit into any old bin, making the whole idea an absolute mockery of logic and sense and costing even more than the previous service could have, if indeed they are recycling the material, I have my doubts, would you fuck around with it?

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